Kestryl's Quiet Little Spot

So today I woke to the room spinning.....

I've been feeling a little run down lately, like I may be coming down with something, but nothing too bad. However this morning for some reason I open my eyes and the room literally starts spinning. Not a nice slow spin, but a fast nauseating one. I sat up rather quickly (not the brightest idea) with the hope that it would help stop the spinning... but no, I've become a bad 80's song ("You spin me right round, baby right round. Like a record baby, right round, round, round.")

Now on most mornings I would take this as a sign to stay at home in bed. Today however I have to teach a class at work (I'm actually training the person who is going to start teaching this class in the future), so I have to get up and get ready. I drag myself to the shower and stand holding the walls hoping not to tip over.

I get to work and start feeling better, until I have to lean over to put something into a computer and I feel like I'm on one of those amusement park 'whirl and puke' rides. So this has been my day... feeling OK until I have to lean over and/or stand up quickly.

The worst part is, I can't go home early.... I'm teaching classes all day. I guess I should look on the bright side, some people pay upwards of $40 to go to an amusement park to feel like this, and I get it for free!

(phone rings)
"Hello, this is Kevin"
"So I'm having problems getting this to work..."
(pause)
"OK.... what are you having a problem with.."
"Well I installed what you told me, and it's not working..."
(a little longer pause)
"OK.... and you are????"

Why is it that people call me and start right into their conversation as if I know who they are and/or what they are talking about. I can understand this if they were calling me right back after I just got off the phone with them, but these are people who I haven't talked to in days... or even weeks!

How hard is it really to take the time to say something like;

"Hi Kevin... this is Bob, remember when you were helping me with X, well it's not working."

What happened to phone etiquette? Isn't there is supposed to be a way to start and end all phone calls? We all need to go back to what our parents and grandparents taught us... maybe go way back and start answering the phone "Ahoy-hoy"
A Brass Farthing to the first one who knows why "Ahoy-hoy"

Monday morning:

6:00 AM - Too Early, turn off Alarm Clock, back to Sleep
6:09 AM - Don't even remember turning off Alarm, still sleeping.
6:18 AM - Smack nightstand, knocking thing off until Alarm shuts off, more sleep.
6:27 AM - Awake enough to look at Clock, know that I need to get up now... go back to sleep.
6:35 AM - Youngest child climbs into bed, within a minute oldest follows, realize that it is now truly time to get up.
6:40 AM - I now realize that I don't have enough time to shower and make it to work on time. However, out of fear of being sent home due to co-workers complaints about the rancid smell coming from my desk, I shower anyways.
7:15 AM - I have now made it through the shower, gotten dressed, packed my stuff for work, and I might actually make it to work on-time if I leave right away....
7:20 AM - On the road, traffic is forgiving today, starting to feel sleepy again....
8:05 AM - Almost made it to work on-time, get settled in.
8:15 AM - Wondering why they don't have nap time at work.....
8:30 AM - Thinking of sleeping with head on desk, just worried about the damage caused by drooling on the keyboard.
8:45 AM - Apparently not much damage......

now time to get some more sleep....

1. Never underestimate the power of prayer. God always listens... sometimes he helps in small ways so small you might not even notice, and sometimes in big ways so big that you can't help but see!
2. Bagels go faster than doughnuts... I guess people really are starting to live a healthier life.
3. More people should read the bible. I don't care what religion you are, or what you do or don't believe in. If everyone took time to read the bible and take to heart what it teaches, the world would be a much better place.
4. In the game of golf, there is more than 1 way to get a birdie.

That's all for now.... enjoy!

Now if this isn’t a strange change in my life. I go from being the one that everyone knows as the resident atheist, to having the new people at my work thinking that I’m a Minister.

Now maybe it’s just me, but I don’t think that you have to be a Minister to read the Bible. Apparently other people do because that is why the person today made the comment about me being a Minister. If you read Harry Potter, Stephen King, or Lord of the Rings people don’t assume too many things about you, but if you’re reading the Bible it’s a whole other matter.

The funny thing is that I was one of those people who would assume something like that before. If I saw someone reading the Bible at work I would assume that they were either a “Minister” or a ‘religious freak’. Seeing as how I’m not a Minister, and I don’t consider myself a ‘religious freak’, I now see that I was wrong in my assumptions before…

However, maybe to other people I am a ‘religious freak’. I read the bible, I go to church every week (and not because my wife forces me ;), and I pray on a regular basis (at least every day). I’m trying to fit in following the Daily Office in the evenings, however with 2 kids that much free time just doesn’t exist.

I still am a little apprehensive about talking about religion with some people. I recently bought a crucifix necklace that I wear daily. Now the funny thing is that I wear it under my shirt most times. At work, maybe it’s just me but I think it might make some people uncomfortable to have me wearing a crucifix, so I can justify it there. Elsewhere however… I wear it under my shirt when I’m uncomfortable, which I don’t really feel good about.

Romans 1:16 For I am not ashamed of the gospel: it is the power of God for salvation to everyone who has faith, to the Jew first and also to the Greek. RSV

Now I don’t feel ashamed by my faith… I just don’t feel comfortable getting questions about it from certain people in my life, not just yet. With some people it is because I see it becoming an argument, how I am ‘wrong’ in what I believe. With others, questions about what made me change and about what I believe, which I don’t feel prepared to answer adequately yet.

Finally, I worry about how people may see me because I know to me at one time in my life, wearing a crucifix put you in the ‘religious freak’ category. To me it’s different from being ‘ashamed’, but it’s a close line that I’m not too comfortable with. For now… I pray.

This is something that has been bothering me lately.... how do you deal with negativity. Lately I've had a lot of negativity with people in my life lately, both professional and personal. One thing I know from past experience is you sure can't combat it with more negativity. That's just a downward spiral that you really don't want to get into.

So the question remains, what to do??? I've tried my best to be positive and supportive but that only works some of the time, and sometimes it can backfire. When a person is really negative, the last thing they want to hear is that "everything is going to be OK" or something like that. They have decided that they are upset, and everything is NOT OK, and it sure as heck is going to stay that way.

Something I read on my Priest's blog was that sadness is like a prison with no back wall that people voluntarily walk into. Negativity is much the same, it's a jail that you have committed your self to and are the prisoner and jailer at the same time. This makes it much harder to get out, because you have to convince the jailer in you that it's time to let it go... you've paid your dues, and then some....

So I'm back to, what do I do??? Now comes for the fun part. Let me preface this by saying that I'm a fairly new Christian, so when I talk about religion I still feel as if (excuse my French) I'm talking out of my ass, but I'm going to do it anyways. The best thing I've come up with so far is prayer... yes that's right, prayer. God is amazing, there is nothing that he can't do and no problem big or small that he can't fix. The most amazing part of it all... he not only can fix, but truly cares about my (and your) small and insignificant problems. Just that knowledge should be able to keep you from being negative!

But then, how do I impart that knowledge to people who either;

• Don't know that God truly does love and care are about even the smallest little problems in your life (if you'll let him).
• Know of God's love but have forgotten, or choose not to open themselves to God's love because they are being so negative.

Now at work I'm stuck, I can't really start approaching people and talking about God (if they approach me, outside of business hours, that's another matter ;). So that leaves me with my personal life, and there it can be just as confusing. On one hand I have people in my life who are atheists, pagans (their choice of title, not mine), or have confused being agnostic with being religious. On the other hand I have people who are Christian, but I still don't feel comfortable talking to about religion.

For example, take my wife (please... j/k;). She is Christian, has been, always will be, and has wanted very much for me to be a Christian for a long time. Now that I am however I just don't know what to say. If there is something that I think she needs some time to pray on... I just don't know what or how to say that. I still feel like the atheist/agnostic who at one point said to her, "Why don't you pray or something...", yes I actually said that.

So where does that leave me.... right now, it leaves me with a whole lot of personal prayer. I pray for the negative people in my life to see the joy that is all around them. I pray that I will find a way to reach these people, and help them... in the way they need to be helped. I pray for strength... strength to be a better person, friend, father or husband, and strength to not become negative myself.

I know God is listening... I know he's helping in ways that I can't even see yet, and I know he will continue to help, as long as I let him. I'm seeing the tip of the iceberg and I know that there is so much more..... more than I could ever imagine.